Between friends...

The were not what exactly what you could call as friends.Circumstance rather than choice had brought them together.All were in the same department.Providence had willed them to stand one after the other in the line for registering their names in the doctoral programme.Nilima was fidgetting with the strap of her bag.She was really bored and bugged.The guy in front of her looked to be equally bored but was lost in a world of his own.Nice decent guy she thought,wonder what he is here for..It was a look she would see often for the next 5 years and bring poignant memories of a misunderstood friend for the rest of her life.Aditya unaware of the female adulation being bestowed upon him was leaning unconcerned on the pillar.The cool marble was a respite from the blistering heat.He checked his inbox for the upteenth time.She still had not messaged.How could she forget?It was his birthday,and she never forgot that.He decided to put up a little show of being offended when she would call.The line was moving like treacle.He was desparate to crash in the hostel bed.It was exactly like the one in his home,if you would call it a home.A two room,four walled construction of bricks and mortar shared with two more siblings hardly qualified as a home.He was happy he had gotten out.A room to himself??!!Two months back he would have scoffed at the idea.But one year of burning the night oil had brought him into the hallowed portals of the high seat of education.And god was he determined to fight it out if it provided the ticket out into the wide world.All these thoughts trooped through his mind even as his admirer was being admired by a boy born with the proverbial silver spoon in his mouth.Makrand,son of a wealthy businessman and fortunately or otherwise,the only heir to the unearned and as opined by some,undeserved wealth.He had always craved for the attention from his parents but had received expensive gifts in return.Silver and expensive gizmos could hardly replace the gentle caress of a mother or the back slapping adulation of a father.He had turned for affection to his friends and had turned into something of a limelight seeker with his mannerisms.Girls flocked to him,as much for his looks as for his money.Each with a dream of sharing the spoils of a corporate war.He knew how to manipulate them like puppets on a string.Changing his interests according to the girl that had taken his fancy.He basked in the reflected glory of his wealth.Money and the shadow of a father well known in the circles where it mattered had habituated him into getting whatever he wanted.Anything.Nice girl,he thought,wonder if she is my programme.He gave a passing glance to Aditya who was leaning unconcerned on the pillar-Hope he is not there in my course if this girl is,he thought even as he assesssed a future rival.The three unanware of each other were lost in their own worlds,briefly making contact with the real worlds as the line made its labourious way on.Intellectually more disparate individuals could not have come together.Adi was a fighter-not born brilliant,but a hard worker who had sporadic bursts of enlightenment.He was persistent and would not leave a problem unsolved.He had had to fight against students from the best colleges to get to this place,and given the lackadiasical attitude of his college regarding motivating its students for higher studies,it had been a uphill climb throughout.Right from giving the exam to facing the firing squad of a panel.The panelists were impressed with his knowledge,the good opinion further compunded by the tier II college he came from.Nilima was not exactly born brilliant too,but had sharpened her intellect as she grew up in the shadow of parents in the doctoral profession.She had been selected for each and every possible exam when she was in school and had continued the winning streak in her college too.However,thanks to her commitment towards cracking every competitive exam that came her way,her college marks ahd taken a mild beating.But that was more than covered for by her thick stack of certificates she had received for excelling at the national level competetive exams.She had a razor sharp wit and was thoroughly unconcerned about studies.Her hands were itching to go at the work bench.Her conquests in academics ran parallel to her achievements in the arts.She did not have a face to launch a thousand ships but was never went unnoticed in a crowd,always winning second glances.In a nutshell-the intelligent male's quinessential dream girl.And she knew it.Some people are fighters,others hone their skills,while a privileged few are born intelligent.Makrand did not move in the rarified air of the third class.But he managed to get good marks.He had a prodigious capacity to recall.A combination of money,looks and a good academic record made him a target for the adulation of the girls and outright jealousy of the boys.Thus they stood.Each blissfully unaware of the other's thoughts.Hardly were they aware that they had embarked on the roller coaster ride of their lives.A journey that would test their integrity as humans,mould some unbreakable and false impressions and finally make one person realise that all is fair in love and war,especially when you are on the victorious side...
To be continued..

Part 5 The redemption

He steadied himself against the tree and loosened his tie a bit.He needed a drink.A strong one at that.Downing a Bloody Mary he searched for his wife.She was thankfully still in conference with her friends and seemed too preoccupied to notive the arrival of his nemesis like a blast from the past.He kept his fingers crossed.He did not want the two women to meet.Of course She would never recognise her,but what if a casual comment by one of her friends told her that she was here?He knew She would not fly off the handle and have a showdown but he just did not want Her to see the face that had tormented him for so long,a face that he had so lovingly sketched sitting on the last bench,but now it all seemed a mockery to him.He could not leave the party either because it would not look good to leave so early.Inspite of his promotion to the upper echelons he still had to climb the ladder there.He was not a veteran to come to parties late and leave early.Caught between the "devil" and the deep sea he decided to stay on but avoid her at all costs.Not knowing how she would react when she saw him,he made serious efforts to make himself inconspicious.He did not keep himself in one place for too long,constantly moving around in a orbit that afforded him a clear view of her but at the same time kept him well hidden from her range of vision.His mind was a maelstorm of thoughts and rage.Should he confront her?What would she say after seeing him after so long.He had left abruptly,not giving her the courtsey of a good bye,he had not recieved her calls,he knew she was not calling because she missed him because she wanted to confirm that he had really gone away.Her emails went unanswered.How fake were those words.She had actually taken him for a fool.He had seen through her machinations.The sorrow had been replaced by rage and then by hatred.However he managed to notice that she was unaccompanied. A brief commotion stole his attention.A guest in an inebriated state was being lead away by the waiters into the house.When he turned back he had lost her in the crowd.Cursing himself he looked around but could not see her.He looked at his watch and decided it would be approprite to leave and went in search for the host to thank him for the invitation and complete the societal formalities of commenting on the beauty of the house.He was looking around for him when he heard his name being called out.Turning around he saw his guest waving to him.What he saw next nearly took his breath away.How could they know each other?Was it all a bad dream?Why now?They were walking towards him.There was no esaping now.He stood rooted to the spot.His guest was introducing her to him,but all he heard was a cacophany of sounds...Images flashed in front of his mind's eye..Like a film reel run amock images and voices from a buried past started screaming in his head..Regaining his mental composure he snapped back into the present.The host had left them,she was looking at him.Like a frightened animal who had been dreading this day.
“Hi,how are you?” she asked tentatively
“What do you think?”
“Look I am really sorry…I did not realise what I was doing.I was young and foolish…Please forgive me..I cant justify what I did was right…But I can ask to be forgiven by you..Tweny years I have spent repenting for my actions..Nightmares plague me..People I thought to be my friends left like rats leaving a sinking ship.The man for whom I threw you into the ring cheated on me..That’s when I realised how it feels to be cheated..To have your trust trampled upon….”
He stopped her in mid sentence,”You think I will forgive what you did just because you went through the same experience?You deserved it.Things have a way of coming back..You think I will forget twenty years of being roasted in my pain and say,it’s alright?You haven’t repented.Not at all…Trust trampled upon?What do you know of trust?It sounds like a slur from your mouth..Don’t you dare talk to me about love either…I was a fool to have trusted my love into your hands..You broke it like a infant breaks a toy..Carelessly and without any remorse whatsoever..How could you be so cold hearted?So inhuman?All your friends knew about it..And yet you carried on..I was treated like an animal whom you made jump through the hoops to your whims and fancies…You….”
He was loosing it…Taking a deep breath he composed himself and went on,”That night after your birthday,I heard your friends talking about it..Did you even open to see what the birthday present was?How could you since it was lying in the dustbin?They way you played me after day..Acting innocent as a lamb..But this time I was prepared for it..Earlier when you refused to come to movies and shopping with me,you gave me an excuse that seemed so genuine..Later I realised your excuses were just that-excuses so that you could cheat on me..You were my first true love..Unfortunately it was one sided..I lost trust in people after that..My friends could not understand me..I don’t blame them..The state I slipped into,I was paranoid about everybody..Had I not met my wife,god knows what I would have done…I pity you..Pity the state you are in…Thrown out by me and by the man for whom you destroyed me..Tell me how does it feel?Live through it now..And do me a favour-get out of my life..Forever…Leave me alone…”
He turned his back and walked away.He did not glance back even once..Did not see her collapse on the grass,racked by sobs...He searched for his wife and found her saying her good byes.They left..The night was cool..He wound down the windows..A bleakness had started to spread through his mind.It felt as if the monsters within him had just been reawakened..Recalled from the pits where he had thrown them..He clutched his wife’s hand as he tried to push them back..
“Are you alright?” his wife was asking him
“Yes,sure…Just a mild headache..”
He clutched the steering tightly..A cold rivulet of sweat ran down his forehead..Fearing his wife might ask too many questions he let off the grip from the steering..His wife’s next question threw him off balance..
“Who was that woman whom you were talking to?Quite good looking I must say.”
“Somebody whom I met long time back..Recognised me after a long time.I had totally forgotten her..Funny what time and distance can do to you.” ,he replied nonchalantly.
The road was winding..Both that ran under the car and in his mind..One would come to an end soon..The other was endless as always...

THE END

Part 4

"Dad,have you seen my mobile anywhere?I can't find it."

He neatly folded the newspaper that he was reading and was just about to get up when he saw his daughter waving the "lost" possession gleefully.
"I think your son has a girlfriend...Checked out his inbox."
"Richa,have some sense of privacy!!" He said as his daughter turned around on her way out.Her eyes had that same devilish twinkle in them as her mother's.The same twinkle that had been his sole sustenance as he had battled against the monsters in his brain as they threatened to extinguish his very sanity.It was almost twenty years now.Twenty years of a mental anguish,retrospection and a desparate crawl to free himself from the bonds that she had chained him by.His memories a prison that he tried to break from. Two decades of a constant struggle to push down the memories that were triggered by the slightest of hints.A casual laughter of a girl on the bus back home,the flick of a head,a stray strand of hair being tucked behind one ear threw open a flood gate of memories that he initially found hard to suppress.He was thankful to his wife,for being found by Her when he was tottering on the edge of a black bottomless abyss.How much easier it had seemed then to just let go,to just give up and fall into oblivion.It was She who had pulled him back.Slowly.Gently.Building up his trust,giving him his space and his time.After the self imposed moratorium he had slowly started coming back to a world that seemed to have passed him by after giving a cursory glance to his state and regarding him as a curiosity,a juicy subject for gossip.But as happens to most of such topics,he had been replaced as the star attraction by somebody else.He remembered meeting Her.It was a December evening.A few days before that year ended.People were celebrating,happy voices filled with warmth carried on the frigid air.But none seemed to bring any warmth to his soul as he got on the last bus that took nim home.He cared not for the cold outside.The constant blistery winter within raged,fuelled by a voice that never seemed to keep quiet.In this same state he climbed in to the bus and searched for a seat.Being the last bus out it was full except for an empty seat beside a girl who was gently nodding off.He hesitated.Did he want to sit there?She looked vaguely familiar.The last thing he wanted was someone from his circle recognising him and restarting a fresh onslaught of gossip.But then it could just be his imagination.Shrugging his shoulders to shake off the cold as much as the thoughts he went and sat beside her.She moved a bit to make some space for him.Muttering a thanks he took off the bag and stretched his legs and prepared himself for the two hour ride home.The bleak landscape passed by in the window frames of the bus.Single storied houses gave way to apartment complexes as they entered the city proper.An occassional car was replaced by drivers honking their way through holiday mood traffic as if antideluvian monsters were chasing them.The cacophony of sounds and smells compelled him to ask the girl to shut the window."Sure,actually I was thinking of the same thing but thought you would mind my doing so."He was in no mood for small talk so he just gave a courteous smile and looked away.Being a holiday,traffic was moving like treacle with traffic jams being the order of the day.The girl after gazing out for some time took out that days's newspaper and turned towards the puzzle section.He stole a glance once in a while at her efforts to fill in the spaces in the Sudoku puzzle.He wished he had gotten his paper along as well.Nothing like a mind game to pass the time.The girl seemed to be mulling over a square and started chewing the end of her pencil.
"5",He blurted out and the flood gates opened...the stone path...the bench..she was sitting on it...an assignment that had to be solved.He looked away.
"Are you alright?You looked startled."
"Nothing,I am fine thank you."
The rest of the trip he kept to himself,staring straight ahead aware of the sideway glances of the girl.He got off at his stop.
Work kept piling up over the next few days and he could barely make it to the last overpacked sardine can of a bus.Strangely he always found one seat beside the girl to be vacant.Conversation was to the minimum and as demanded by courtesy.But as they say,a stone in the river wears down slowly with time and so did his reluctance.
The work load that day was very less,still he waited to board the last bus home.He saw her sitting on the usual seat and sat down himself.
"You dont look very tired today."she said.
"Not much work today.Most of it was finished by afternoon.."he said and bit his tongue as he realised his mistake.
"Then you should have taken the afternooon bus,that would have saved you a lot of trouble."
"But you dont go by that bus,do you?"
He had given himself away.Revealed himself.She just looked at him and looked away.The rest of the journey was spent in silence,an oddly comfortable silence that conveyed more than words as if both had said what had been on their minds for a quite sometime.However the next day he was in for a surprise as he found neither her nor a empty seat.He did not see her for the next week or so.He smiled sadly to himself.She was a good girl.Would have made a nice friend.He really needed one.Most of his earlier friends had either left him or time and distance had worn down contacts.He got used to going alone,sometimes standing up or sitting down if he got a place.Always keeping a place beside him if she came.But she never did.
Three weeks passed thus.Twenty years on he could still remember that lazy February afternoon as if it was yesterday.He was sitting in his office,hands behind his head,gazing up at the ceiling thinking about her .Someone knocked on the door.
"Come in."he said
"Hi."
He nearly dropped out of his chair.His heart did a drumroll and his mouth went dry.She was standing there true as the sun.
"Howadiedef."misformed words out of his mouth and his senses tried to get a grip on things.
"Sorry,did not get that."How did you find this place?"he asked composing himself.
"You might not remenber but you told me your company's name long time back."
"Please come in.Have a seat."
"Could we go out for a cup of coffee?"
He picked up his bag and they went to the nearby cafe.
He waited for her to start.Somehow he still could not fathom as to why she had stopped coming by that bus and then directlly landed in his office three weeks later.He was apprehensive of what she wanted to say.
"Didn't see you for a long time."he said
"Yes.I need to tell you something.Do you promise to give a frank answer to a question?"
His heart leapt in his mouth.He had been thinking about this,toying with this idea.But then experience had made him a wiser man and he kept these thoughts light and just as a distraction,never serious.
"Go on."he said
"The first time I saw you,I somehow felt this heavy pall of gloom hanging over you.A great sadness that reflected in your eyes,in your actions.It was as if you were almost afraid to meet people and make friends.I wondered what was the problem.But as we started talking it felt like you were holding back on something.I knew we were not exactly good friends but just two people who had met by chance on a journey.But somehow while talking with you,having you around made me happy.Sort of a relaxation after a hectic day at work.After some time I started looking forward to the bus ride."
He just sat there,absorbing everything.Could it be true?Was she......He wanted to believe it,almost did,but his past experience surfaced,as painful as ever.No,he told himself,he would not.She was going on,telling him about her past.He was surprised to find that they had gone through an almost similar experience...He felt sympathy for her,but he held back all other feelings..It was surprising that she had such an optimistic attitude unlike him...
"I have to say something to you..."she said
He caught his breath..His heart was thumping in his ears..
"I love you,"she said
He exhaled..There it was,out in the open..no one had said that to him before..he could not believe it..had he heard it right?He looked away...
"You are a nice girl,but I have had my share of dissapointments.At present I am in no state to commit.It's not that I didn't miss you,I did..But I dont want to bite the dust again...Give me sometime...."
Tears sprang up in her eyes,"Does that mean...?"
"No,no...it's not that..please try to understand...Why are you leaving..please.."
She walked away,head bowed.He paid the bill and left.
She had walked away but not from his thoughts...He had hoped for this,the ball was in his court..Did he dare commit himself?He mulled over it...Was he ready for a relationship?
The next day he left the office and started walking towards the bus stop..Thoughts swirling through his head..A tug of war that was going to a side...The bus had started to move..He was running now..He knew what he wanted...Knew the moment he had started talking to her..how could he hace been so blind?So foolish?He caught up with the bus and ran up to the window where he knew she would be sitting..There she was..looking straight ahead..He banged on the side to get her attention..She looked down..Surprise registered on her face...She was smiling...
"I love you too,"he was almost shouting now to get his voice above the engine...
"What?I cant hear you!"
He signalled the driver to stop....She got off the bus and came to him...
"I am sorry,"he said "Foolish to have not seen something staring me in my face..I love you too."
She threw her arms around him...The embrace seemed to last for an eternity..Traffic came to a standstill...Claps erupted from everywhere..She let go of him...Her eyes were filled with tears..He wiped them..Hand in hand they walked away...Like ship wrecked sailors finding a shore they had found each other...Never to let go....
After a whirlwind romance they had tied the knot...
"What are you exactly smiling about mister?We need to leave for the party.I dont want to be late."He fell back into the present,he didn't realise he had a silly grin plastered on his face,his wife was standing before him,arms akimbo,dressed for the evening..Oh yes,the party,now he remebered..Perks of being a upper middle class man now.."Yes madam,I am getting up..You look great"
"Thank you for the compliment,and now will his majesty please get up and get ready."
She still had that beauty that had attracted him...She knew everything about him,but never brought it up untill he himself started it..She understood him..She was like his pillar on whom he could lean..
He got ready for the party and they left for the venue.They had reached on time..He parked his vehicle and they alighted.The house was in an upmarket locality and the purchase was the reasonfor the party.The hosts were known to them-a by product result of their promotion to the upper echelons of society.Champagne flowed freely and so did gossip as tongues loosened.His wife found someof her friends.He still had to adjust to the upswing and preferred to be alone.He drifted around and found a quiet spot to lean against a tree.She was so happy,laughing freely,a hand kept casually on one of Her friend's arm.His thoughts slowly drifted into the darker regions.They did not hurt him so much nowadays,only a dull pain.He was thinking about an incident at the airport where a desk clerk had a profile and a hair style so much like her.His breath had caught for a moment and he had looked away,forcing himself to not look that way.
He glanced towards the gate and his world splintered like glass.It felt like a block of lead had slammed into his stomach.A screaming set off in his head and the ground seemed to come up to meet him.How could it be??After so many years?Why now?What twisted game were the gods playing?The air seemed to stifle him.
To be continued....