Part 4

"Dad,have you seen my mobile anywhere?I can't find it."

He neatly folded the newspaper that he was reading and was just about to get up when he saw his daughter waving the "lost" possession gleefully.
"I think your son has a girlfriend...Checked out his inbox."
"Richa,have some sense of privacy!!" He said as his daughter turned around on her way out.Her eyes had that same devilish twinkle in them as her mother's.The same twinkle that had been his sole sustenance as he had battled against the monsters in his brain as they threatened to extinguish his very sanity.It was almost twenty years now.Twenty years of a mental anguish,retrospection and a desparate crawl to free himself from the bonds that she had chained him by.His memories a prison that he tried to break from. Two decades of a constant struggle to push down the memories that were triggered by the slightest of hints.A casual laughter of a girl on the bus back home,the flick of a head,a stray strand of hair being tucked behind one ear threw open a flood gate of memories that he initially found hard to suppress.He was thankful to his wife,for being found by Her when he was tottering on the edge of a black bottomless abyss.How much easier it had seemed then to just let go,to just give up and fall into oblivion.It was She who had pulled him back.Slowly.Gently.Building up his trust,giving him his space and his time.After the self imposed moratorium he had slowly started coming back to a world that seemed to have passed him by after giving a cursory glance to his state and regarding him as a curiosity,a juicy subject for gossip.But as happens to most of such topics,he had been replaced as the star attraction by somebody else.He remembered meeting Her.It was a December evening.A few days before that year ended.People were celebrating,happy voices filled with warmth carried on the frigid air.But none seemed to bring any warmth to his soul as he got on the last bus that took nim home.He cared not for the cold outside.The constant blistery winter within raged,fuelled by a voice that never seemed to keep quiet.In this same state he climbed in to the bus and searched for a seat.Being the last bus out it was full except for an empty seat beside a girl who was gently nodding off.He hesitated.Did he want to sit there?She looked vaguely familiar.The last thing he wanted was someone from his circle recognising him and restarting a fresh onslaught of gossip.But then it could just be his imagination.Shrugging his shoulders to shake off the cold as much as the thoughts he went and sat beside her.She moved a bit to make some space for him.Muttering a thanks he took off the bag and stretched his legs and prepared himself for the two hour ride home.The bleak landscape passed by in the window frames of the bus.Single storied houses gave way to apartment complexes as they entered the city proper.An occassional car was replaced by drivers honking their way through holiday mood traffic as if antideluvian monsters were chasing them.The cacophony of sounds and smells compelled him to ask the girl to shut the window."Sure,actually I was thinking of the same thing but thought you would mind my doing so."He was in no mood for small talk so he just gave a courteous smile and looked away.Being a holiday,traffic was moving like treacle with traffic jams being the order of the day.The girl after gazing out for some time took out that days's newspaper and turned towards the puzzle section.He stole a glance once in a while at her efforts to fill in the spaces in the Sudoku puzzle.He wished he had gotten his paper along as well.Nothing like a mind game to pass the time.The girl seemed to be mulling over a square and started chewing the end of her pencil.
"5",He blurted out and the flood gates opened...the stone path...the bench..she was sitting on it...an assignment that had to be solved.He looked away.
"Are you alright?You looked startled."
"Nothing,I am fine thank you."
The rest of the trip he kept to himself,staring straight ahead aware of the sideway glances of the girl.He got off at his stop.
Work kept piling up over the next few days and he could barely make it to the last overpacked sardine can of a bus.Strangely he always found one seat beside the girl to be vacant.Conversation was to the minimum and as demanded by courtesy.But as they say,a stone in the river wears down slowly with time and so did his reluctance.
The work load that day was very less,still he waited to board the last bus home.He saw her sitting on the usual seat and sat down himself.
"You dont look very tired today."she said.
"Not much work today.Most of it was finished by afternoon.."he said and bit his tongue as he realised his mistake.
"Then you should have taken the afternooon bus,that would have saved you a lot of trouble."
"But you dont go by that bus,do you?"
He had given himself away.Revealed himself.She just looked at him and looked away.The rest of the journey was spent in silence,an oddly comfortable silence that conveyed more than words as if both had said what had been on their minds for a quite sometime.However the next day he was in for a surprise as he found neither her nor a empty seat.He did not see her for the next week or so.He smiled sadly to himself.She was a good girl.Would have made a nice friend.He really needed one.Most of his earlier friends had either left him or time and distance had worn down contacts.He got used to going alone,sometimes standing up or sitting down if he got a place.Always keeping a place beside him if she came.But she never did.
Three weeks passed thus.Twenty years on he could still remember that lazy February afternoon as if it was yesterday.He was sitting in his office,hands behind his head,gazing up at the ceiling thinking about her .Someone knocked on the door.
"Come in."he said
"Hi."
He nearly dropped out of his chair.His heart did a drumroll and his mouth went dry.She was standing there true as the sun.
"Howadiedef."misformed words out of his mouth and his senses tried to get a grip on things.
"Sorry,did not get that."How did you find this place?"he asked composing himself.
"You might not remenber but you told me your company's name long time back."
"Please come in.Have a seat."
"Could we go out for a cup of coffee?"
He picked up his bag and they went to the nearby cafe.
He waited for her to start.Somehow he still could not fathom as to why she had stopped coming by that bus and then directlly landed in his office three weeks later.He was apprehensive of what she wanted to say.
"Didn't see you for a long time."he said
"Yes.I need to tell you something.Do you promise to give a frank answer to a question?"
His heart leapt in his mouth.He had been thinking about this,toying with this idea.But then experience had made him a wiser man and he kept these thoughts light and just as a distraction,never serious.
"Go on."he said
"The first time I saw you,I somehow felt this heavy pall of gloom hanging over you.A great sadness that reflected in your eyes,in your actions.It was as if you were almost afraid to meet people and make friends.I wondered what was the problem.But as we started talking it felt like you were holding back on something.I knew we were not exactly good friends but just two people who had met by chance on a journey.But somehow while talking with you,having you around made me happy.Sort of a relaxation after a hectic day at work.After some time I started looking forward to the bus ride."
He just sat there,absorbing everything.Could it be true?Was she......He wanted to believe it,almost did,but his past experience surfaced,as painful as ever.No,he told himself,he would not.She was going on,telling him about her past.He was surprised to find that they had gone through an almost similar experience...He felt sympathy for her,but he held back all other feelings..It was surprising that she had such an optimistic attitude unlike him...
"I have to say something to you..."she said
He caught his breath..His heart was thumping in his ears..
"I love you,"she said
He exhaled..There it was,out in the open..no one had said that to him before..he could not believe it..had he heard it right?He looked away...
"You are a nice girl,but I have had my share of dissapointments.At present I am in no state to commit.It's not that I didn't miss you,I did..But I dont want to bite the dust again...Give me sometime...."
Tears sprang up in her eyes,"Does that mean...?"
"No,no...it's not that..please try to understand...Why are you leaving..please.."
She walked away,head bowed.He paid the bill and left.
She had walked away but not from his thoughts...He had hoped for this,the ball was in his court..Did he dare commit himself?He mulled over it...Was he ready for a relationship?
The next day he left the office and started walking towards the bus stop..Thoughts swirling through his head..A tug of war that was going to a side...The bus had started to move..He was running now..He knew what he wanted...Knew the moment he had started talking to her..how could he hace been so blind?So foolish?He caught up with the bus and ran up to the window where he knew she would be sitting..There she was..looking straight ahead..He banged on the side to get her attention..She looked down..Surprise registered on her face...She was smiling...
"I love you too,"he was almost shouting now to get his voice above the engine...
"What?I cant hear you!"
He signalled the driver to stop....She got off the bus and came to him...
"I am sorry,"he said "Foolish to have not seen something staring me in my face..I love you too."
She threw her arms around him...The embrace seemed to last for an eternity..Traffic came to a standstill...Claps erupted from everywhere..She let go of him...Her eyes were filled with tears..He wiped them..Hand in hand they walked away...Like ship wrecked sailors finding a shore they had found each other...Never to let go....
After a whirlwind romance they had tied the knot...
"What are you exactly smiling about mister?We need to leave for the party.I dont want to be late."He fell back into the present,he didn't realise he had a silly grin plastered on his face,his wife was standing before him,arms akimbo,dressed for the evening..Oh yes,the party,now he remebered..Perks of being a upper middle class man now.."Yes madam,I am getting up..You look great"
"Thank you for the compliment,and now will his majesty please get up and get ready."
She still had that beauty that had attracted him...She knew everything about him,but never brought it up untill he himself started it..She understood him..She was like his pillar on whom he could lean..
He got ready for the party and they left for the venue.They had reached on time..He parked his vehicle and they alighted.The house was in an upmarket locality and the purchase was the reasonfor the party.The hosts were known to them-a by product result of their promotion to the upper echelons of society.Champagne flowed freely and so did gossip as tongues loosened.His wife found someof her friends.He still had to adjust to the upswing and preferred to be alone.He drifted around and found a quiet spot to lean against a tree.She was so happy,laughing freely,a hand kept casually on one of Her friend's arm.His thoughts slowly drifted into the darker regions.They did not hurt him so much nowadays,only a dull pain.He was thinking about an incident at the airport where a desk clerk had a profile and a hair style so much like her.His breath had caught for a moment and he had looked away,forcing himself to not look that way.
He glanced towards the gate and his world splintered like glass.It felt like a block of lead had slammed into his stomach.A screaming set off in his head and the ground seemed to come up to meet him.How could it be??After so many years?Why now?What twisted game were the gods playing?The air seemed to stifle him.
To be continued....