Memory Lane

Took a walk down memory lane today..was reading in d libarary and my mind went idle for sometime..and before i realized anything,i was remininscing bout times gone by...The lane was strewn wid dead leaves,and i walked bending down occassionally to pick dem up..some were light with their care free happy memories..others were heavy with the sadness and pain dat comes with some memories....d joy of learning to ride a cycle,getting my first bike,meeting friends after ages,long chats where minds and hearts were opened to ppl who cud appreciate them,birthdays celebrated,presents gifted and received...the best so far has been the two days i spent in banglore during d IISc interviews...the sheer taste of the excitement is irreplaceable and so is d joy on my mother's face wen she saw d list..dark times,the will to survive thru dem..heartbreaks,decisions gone wrong in retrospect....everything was there for me to see...memories can be really weird...there are few dat can lift my heart up to kiss d heavens,but many dat pull me down into a quagmire...and only wen i need dem d least do they surface thru d mind....there are memories dat bring a smile on my face no matter when they are brought up,then there are others dat i wished i cud forget simply bcos they speak of a better time..wid ppl who were d centre of my world..wid whom i had imagined a bright future....fool i was at dat time wen i made dem my raison d'etre..never did i pause to think,was i d same for dem? time has given me my answer..maybe i deserved it for jumping headlong into things without thinking seriously about future which i shud have...but den,every mistake becomes visible in retrospect and not wen u are commiting it..... and inspite of seeing everything,i make my mistake again..like a moth to d fire drawn...i wish there was somebody to sweep the dead leaves off the lane completely..i wish d leaves wud never fall from d trees and stayed green forever....thunder clouds gather on d horizon,and i start looking around for cover from d deluge to come,wishing i had d will to never step into d lane...